Monday, November 24, 2014

Marriage, Separation and Renewal

Last year was Kurt's and my 25th Anniversary. What's so amazing isn't that we were married that long but that we are still together. We were estranged, while living in the same house, for 10 years. Close family and friends knew, but most people didn't know. Kurt and I would go to functions like nothing was wrong. Of course people could tell there were something wrong.  The reality is that we couldn't afford to separate.  It all worked out in the end because 3 years ago we decided to try to make our marriage work.  As anyone knows, marriage isn't always the easiest thing to keep alive.  It's especially hard when you are trying to recreate magic.  At first I focused on the romance of it and then shortly realized, this take hard work and that isn't always romantic.

1988, ages 26 and 31

 In 2012 Kurt and I went to Las Vegas for our Anniversary.  We were anxious and edgy together not in sync with each other.  One of the reasons we chose this hotel was because it was linked to the monorail that goes in the back of most of the hotels on one side of Las Vegas.

One day we got off the monorail and were stopped by a man wanting us to go to a Time Share talk the next day.  If we went to this, we would get two tickets to see "Legends".  We decided to go, not planning to sign up.  I'm the worst person to take to these things because I get over excited about fun stuff.  Well, you know how it goes, the presentations are done so well that you are pulled into what they are selling.  Now mind you, I think it was a wonderful deal if you could afford it.  Anyways, we signed up for a trial visit.  This is how we got to go to Sedona, Summer 2013.  

The highlight of that trip was the "Legend" show.  Afterwards I found out that this show is all over the country in places like Branson, Mo.  The performers we saw were "Elvis", "the Blues Brothers", "Adele", "Michael Jackson" and more.  Each performer was so real and sang so well.  I had never seen an Elvis impersonator and this "Elvis" was amazing.

I figured that it was great to have a vacation that I knew for sure we were going on.  You see, the whole time we were estranged we went on a few separate vacations but nothing as a family.  Well it wasn't just the price, but it really wore at our relationship the whole year.  We had a great time our our trip but he still was mad about it for a long time.  Well that isn't the way to make a marriage better. Since we reunited we've been in couple's therapy.  We're willing to fight for our marriage.

Our first family vacation, back together, was in the Mountains and was Summer of 2012. We stayed at the Pine Rose Cabins, in the "Christmas Cottage" which has a stream nearby.  We chose this cabin because of the size and our deck.  We had my Dad and Emily with us too.  We BBQ'd and played games at night and went swimming at their pool during the day.  It was a inexpensive, relaxing vacation for everyone.

In July, 2013 we went to Las Vegas on the way to Arizona. While in Arizona we went to Grand Canyon and stayed at the Time Share in Sedona.  It ended up being one of our best vacations.  What was bad was that I was tired all the time and slept while Kurt and the kids went hiking.  Of course, I'd rather be in the pool than hiking mid-day.  

Kurt and I are still working hard on our marriage.  We went to Palm Springs this past September, just the two of us.  We really needed that time together.  We've been through so much the past 26 years;  Job Loss, Moving, Parenting, Separation, and now finding each other again. The picture below was taken on Mother's Day at my mom's house in Ojai.  I'll talk about our trip to Palm Springs soon.

2014, ages 57 and 52, Natalie is 16.

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